The holidays are supposed to be a cheerful time. However, for most people the end of the year holidays mean more stress and anxiety.
If we could avoid family conflicts during the holidays, we would feel more relaxed and joyful.
The problem is that some of our loved ones:
- think they are always right
- believe we are still a little child
- point out every little thing we do wrong
- do not get along with each other
- make hurtful remarks or comments
Because we are perfect, aren’t we?
Even though nobody is perfect, the holiday season should not be a reminder of all our imperfections.
Our family loves us but they can also hurt our feelings or the feelings of others we love.
Here are 10 Tips on How to Avoid Family Conflicts During the Holidays
1 – Focus on Love
Think about how much you love your family members and everything they have done for you.
In addition, most families have the best intentions. They do what they think is best!
There may be some differences or disagreements, but they still love you and you love them.
Focusing on love will help you to overlook inappropriate comments and therefore avoid family conflicts.
2 – Make it a Cheerful Event
Make a list of everything there is to enjoy during the holidays. Think about:
- Delicious food
- Family members you like and don’t see very often
- Traditions you enjoy
Anticipate all the good things related to the gathering.
What could you do to make the holidays more cheerful? Maybe:
- Try a new dish
- Decorate differently
- Craft some holiday items
- Bake some cookies
Think about the good things that are going to happen.
Find out how to feel happy during the holidays.
3 – Don’t Try to Change Others
Sometimes we think that if others would change just a little bit, life would be so much happier and easier. If our relatives would just:
- Stop talking about the same issues
- Drink a little less
- Keep their political points of view to themselves
- Quit trying to change us
- Stop asking the same hurtful questions over and over
The fact is that we cannot change other people. We only can control our own behavior.
Moreover, our relatives will do what they do and we may change how we respond to avoid family conflicts during the holidays.
4 – Anticipate Some New Answers to Old Questions
As we cannot change others, we may think about different responses to the old issues.
After many years of family gatherings, we can already anticipate the pattern.
Some family members know the one area we may not be happy about and they keep asking for updates. They may inquire about:
-work
-relationships
-money
-investments
-legal issues
-addictions
-illnesses
We may be pretty happy people except that little issue we have or had in the past.
Like picking a scar, some loved ones will regularly ask about that.
Thinking ahead of possible answers for those recurring questions will make you feel more confident and relaxed.
Usually short and dismissive answers give the message that you don’t want to talk about it anymore and there is nothing to worry about it.
In addition, choose a topic that you want to talk about that will not create conflicts.
5 – Have Realistic Expectations
Unrealistic expectations hurt the most.
The best formula to enjoy the holidays is to expect nothing from others. You know some people in your family are conflict loving people, so whatever happens, they will always try to raise an issue.
Leave them as they are, they will not change.
6 – Stay Among People You Love
When thinking about the holidays, stay among the people you get along better. Even if that means just staying around your kids. Focus on having a good time with them.
Furthermore, stay away from people who will ask inappropriate questions or make hurtful comments.
Step in with seating arrangements to avoid conflicts with family during the holiday celebrations.
7 – Limit the Topics
Sometimes, it’s not the family members but the topic that raises the conflict. There are controversial issues that will promote heated discussions such as:
- Gun Control
- Marijuana Legalization
- Transgender Rights
- Global Climate Change
- Immigration Reform
- Marriage Equality
So try to limit the topics for discussions.
In addition, think about a few topics that everyone can talk about without getting too emotional. It could be a sports, a TV show, or anything that most people enjoy and agree.
8 – Lower the Alcohol Consumption
Research proved that alcohol consumption intensifies the emotions of hatred and sadness.
Therefore, be careful, not to serve too much alcohol to your family, especially to difficult family members.
9 – Take it as an Opportunity
You may have heard before that difficult people are the greatest emotional teachers.
They challenge your beliefs and your problem-solving skills. Ask yourself:
Is there anything I can learn from this situation or this person?
The most difficult events are great learning opportunities but we are not always in the mood or have the time to reflect on them.
You may write about it in a journal to come up with new insights about how to avoid family conflicts during the holidays.
10 – Keep them Busy
Boredom is a trigger for drinking, eating, and complaining too much.
It is helpful to think and prepare in advance:
- Conflict free conversation topics
- Activities, crafts, or games for kids and adults
With these 10 tips you will be able to avoid most family conflicts during the holidays.
What strategies do you use to have happy holiday celebrations?
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An amazing and very very needed read lol Thank you so much for the awesome post, I love and hate Thanksgiving for that reason.
A friend and I were just talking about a bum experience we both had during the holidays. And everything you wrote here makes perfect sense.
I think #6 is the best tip, avoid family conflicts by avoiding the family that causes them. Perfect!
*hahaaa*
While I find this blog post hilarious I do realize that it is necessary in some situations too. Thanks for sharing.
These are great tips, for me love should always be there not only for this holiday but everyday. I think limiting the alcohol consumption is the best tip for me.
These are all great and valuable tips. I don’t have family that lives close to us and they don’t visit through the holidays.
I absolutely love these tips. Good food, good decoration, games, keep everyone busy, and that always work for me!
I so love your tips honestly. Focus on love, that’s true, and then think of new answers to old questions. Sometimes it takes a little planning to make any party a success and positively memorable.
What an important post as there can be disagreements at my family’s dinner table during the holidays. But, as you said, I will focus on love as that is an important aspect!
This is an amazing list and my favorite is “Don’t Try to Change Others”. Focus on love and try to appreciate and compliment more.
These are great tips but I think if we can avoid taking alcoholic beverages during that day avoid because for me to much in take of it can really mess that day.
It’s so uncultured when guests bring conflicts to your party even if the are family members. Such people should read your article. Anyway, having a cheerful event and being sure to stay around loving people can really help to avoid conflicts.
Great tips for the holiday season when most of the family is together. It can be really hard dealing with some family members, these tips are helpful.
Making the holidays as fun as possible is extremely important when family comes over. I think that depending on the type of drinker someone is and how alcohol affects them, alcohol can be good or bad for sure.
The last few years I’ve spent the holidays just with my husband and kids and it’s so much less stress than trying to please everyone!
Super article. I love this line, “You may have heard before that difficult people are the greatest emotional teachers. ” It is so true. And if we see them as an opportunity, we can have a better attitude.
HAHA, I had to chuckle when I read this title. I believe almost every family has arguments during the holidays. Drinking less is one of the major problems! Personally, I just like to keep to myself and watch some football.
This is a brilliant post, thank you. I’ll bookmark it and read it just before Christmas. I appreciate your insight and honesty!
I personally try to keep my views out of holiday discussions, since they don’t fit in with my in-laws by any stretch of the imagination. I’m sure they hate me, and that is simply fantastic. I either limit my time visiting during holidays or simply don’t attend family functions. Thankfully my husband’s job and the hours he works is the perfect excuse to stay home. That is the best way, in my opinion. Otherwise, I usually just stay quiet and watch the clock.
I especially love your last 3 tips here. We also find that limiting the amount of time those-in-conflict spend in the same room as each other to be useful.
Very helpful post. A lot of us forget that having a great time with your family is what the holidays are all about!
I love these suggestions. The holidays can be a tough time of the year for many families, the simple act of responding to each other in love can go a long way to enjoying this time of the year.
Mine would be 8 hhahaha Once my family has alcohol all hell breaks loose. These are some useful tips.
Nice tips by the way. I think there is something to learn from each one though perspective might vary from each other. Great sharing though!
The current political climate has made recent family gatherings difficult. There are so many useful tools here!
Love these tips! So much focused on one thing: come to the event with the intention to enjoy yourself and be enjoyable for others. It means you try to be your best, and be kind. I think if more of us did that, family get togethers would go swimmingly.
i wish we could choose family the way we choose our friends. The dreaded holidays. The weird uncle, the nosy cousin, the opinionated aunt and the ever fault finder distant second cousin. I think you have nailed all the points to survive the holidays and make it fun.
Defo need this! Every year SOMETHING happens that causes us all to fall out!
Thank you for sharing!
Conflicts in a family are quite annoying. It is always good to live peacefully with one another. I avoid conflicts in my family like a plaque. The tips that you have put across are very helpful. Thanks a lot.
Hey! I love these pointers. You know what – you should post it before every major festival or the wedding season. Whenever families are together, conflicts tend to happen – you can never avoid them. But these tips here are evergreen! Thank you for sharing 🙂
Some helpful tips. I am so glad my family consists of just me and my cat!
Great tips. I never serve alcohol at my parties because I know what it can do to people.
Oh gosh, this can get tricky. My family gets along for the most part. We just know not to bring up politics.
These are such good tips. Thankfully our family doesn’t have a large gathering during the holidays so there are no family conflicts!
I really believe that your suggestions for numbers 7 and 8 will help a whole lot of family events to stay sane and under control. Of course, it is important to love and appreciate each other but too much alcohol consumption and topics that bring about conflict can just ruin things for everyone.
Great tips for those family members who like to be difficult. It’s also good to reconsider your invite list if you are hosting. I had to rethink my list a few years back and after doing some trimming my holidays have been much less stressful!
Great advice. The holidays should be about celebration and joy, and if you keep it light, it can be memorable in a good way.
Gahhhh family dynamics are so tricky, and then when we grow up and form new families which have their own dynamics. It can be so difficult!! These are great tips though – I think having lighthearted games (i.e. your “keep them busy”) is always a good bet, and avoiding certain topics. In our house politics is a no no!
Such a helpful post! Ideally, the holidays would be happy and spent with loved ones, but conflicts can happen. Thanks for the good ideas, this’ll be a good resource for people.
Smart, smart, smart! Thank you for sharing this article, so cool for the upcoming holiday season!