The secret to being confident enough to start a conversation and make new friends is to put yourself out there and interact with others.
How many times did you see someone you wanted to connect with but were unable to make the first move?
Do you worry about having a brain freeze and being unable to say a word?
These are common situations when we don’t feel confident to start a conversation or when we are shy.
In addition, the more interested we are in someone, the more difficult it is to take the initiative.
Let’s take a look at some mindset shifts that will help you think more positively about your interactions with others.
You may also want to read: Building self-confidence will make you happier and more successful.
How to Feel Confident to Start a Conversation
The first step to feel confident to start a conversation is to look at our experiences from a positive point of view.
This means to value more the experience of attempting to start a conversation and not so much the outcome.
Think that you are one step closer to feeling more confident in your skills to start a conversation every time you interact with others.
1 – Don’t Let Fear Stop You
Our fear of rejection can undermine our confidence to start a conversation.
When we try to connect with someone there is always the possibility of rejection.
It is helpful to keep in mind that the other person may be:
- busy
- in a bad mood
- worried about something else
If you are friendly and polite, it’s up to the other person to engage or not in the conversation.
In addition, fear of rejection is painful when we think that the other person did not like us or we did something wrong.
Think that being rejected by someone you barely know does not mean anything.
Even though rejection is always a possibility, it only means that the person is not ready to interact with you at that time.
2 – Have Realistic Expectations
Before taking the initiative to reach out to others ask yourself, what your expectations are.
If you expect that everyone will be friendly and excited to see you, you may be up for disappointments.
Sometimes people are busy, in their own world, drowned in problems, in a bad mood, or not in the mood to talk to anyone.
You can only control your own behavior.
If you approach someone with a smile and kind words, the other person will most likely respond in a similar way but there is no guarantee.
Don’t expect that after saying “Hi”, the other person will go on a date with you.
Being friendly, polite, and proactive to meet new people will build your confidence to start conversations.
3 – Don’t Take it Personally
If you take the initiative to reach out to others and don’t get a friendly and polite response, don’t feel offended.
Tell yourself that the person was not ready to connect at this time.
There may be many factors involved in a person’s response to our comments or questions.
4 – Practice Every Day
Think about connecting with others as an experiment and a fun experience.
If you want to feel more comfortable connecting with others, make it your intention to greet people every day and talk to one new person.
It doesn’t have to be a long conversation, maybe just a little exchange about current events.
Take the initiative by beginning the conversation.
Introduce yourself to people regularly and begin to share your ideas, feelings, opinions, and experiences.
5 – Take the Initiative
Be the first one to say “hello.” This will help to manage your fear of rejection and give you the opportunity to guide the conversation.
In addition, it will give the other person the impression that you are friendly and confident.
6 – Share Your Observations
Start with a general comment related to:
- environment or place where you are
- something that the other person is wearing or doing
- current circumstances
- something you are looking for
Your observations will create a shared experience with the other person.
Your words will provide a glimpse on how you perceive the world around you.
You may follow up with more observations.
Just keep them positive. Don’t criticize others or complain because this will give the impression that you tend to look at life from a negative point of view.
7 – Prepare Topics of Conversation
If you want to feel confident to start a conversation at a party, take some time to prepare.
For example, read information about the news and interesting stories so that you can talk about them with others at the party.
Also, make a list of current events in your life that you feel comfortable sharing with others.
If you have different topics you feel comfortable talking about, you will feel confident to start a conversation with others.
8 – Learn from Experience
After a conversation, reflect on what worked and what didn’t.
If you catch yourself saying something inappropriate or making a negative comment, congratulate yourself for having caught that mistake so that you don’t make it again.
Also, sometimes we overshare information and regret what we said. Tell yourself that the other person will likely forget what you said and move on.
Even if you come up with excellent ideas after a conversation, don’t beat yourself up. You may be able to use them later.
9 – Keep a Journal
Keep track of your conversations by writing in a journal. Note what went well and what areas need improvement.
Write about all the times you were successful in starting a conversation even if you only exchanged a few words.
Set communication goals and reflect on what went well and what your next steps will be.
Write down how you felt.
10 – Be Mindful of Your Intentions
There are many reasons to start a conversation with someone. You may want to
- practice your skills
- apply for a new job
- participate in future network opportunities
- make a new friend
- get some help
It is easier to connect with others when you only want to practice your skills.
However, the more you practice the more confident you will feel.
A good starting point to be confident to start a conversation is to greet your neighbors and talk to someone you usually don’t speak to every day.
This will give you practice and build enough confidence to start a conversation at any time.
Just think that the other person is just like you so you won’t feel nervous.
Great tips, luckily I am just a social butterfly and can’t stop talking most of the time. I just jump right in.
That “Don’t take it personally” is a plus one for me! This aspect usually is a hindrance in starting a conversation
Yep, sometimes we shouldn’t take everything too personal. Lots of people go through stuff each day and we just have to be understanding about it.
Amazing tips!!! Especially the need to practice, practicing makes perfect for sure.
I am terrible at this; I guess it’s why I haven’t made new friends lately. Thanks for the tips!