What can we do if we wish we were in a relationship but have not found the right person, yet? It is not always easy to be happy alone.
Most people share the fantasy that once we find that significant person, who will make us feel special, we will be happy.
According to the Harvard Study of Adult Development good relationships keep us happier and healthier.
As most things in life, being in a relationship has its advantages and disadvantages.
How Do You Feel When You are Alone?
When we are alone but wish we were in a relationship the most common feelings are:
- Â loneliness
- worry of not being good enough
- fear that nobody will love us
- worry of not being attractive or interesting enough
- fear that we will never find the right personÂ
In order to be happy alone, we need to remind ourselves how wonderful, lovable, and special we are.
If we are happy with ourselves, we will more easily find and recognize the right person instead of stumbling in and out of unfulfilling relationships.
What is the Key to be Happy Alone?
If you know what is important to you besides being in a relationship, you’ll find purpose and engage in meaningful activities instead of feeling lonely.
The key to be happy alone is self-awareness.
Self-awareness is our ability to understand what we enjoy and what makes us happy.
Knowing yourself allows you to be aware of actions you can take to improve your mood regardless of being or not in a relationship.
When you are aware, you are able to take charge of your inner experiences that will determine how you feel. Moreover, self-awareness allows you to be true to yourself even when your emotions and thoughts are in conflict.
How to Increase Your Self-awareness?
- Journaling, writing down your thoughts and feelings every day will help you to evaluate the things that make you happy and what areas in your life need some changes.
- Self-assessing your moods and feelings by paying attention and acknowledging how you feel while completing different activities during the day.Â
- Reflecting on how to include more activities that make you feel happy in your every day life.
- Looking around you. What are some traits that you admire in others? You may be able to develop some of those skills yourself.
- Â Being mindful by becoming aware of your senses, thoughts, and feelings without judging them.
10 Strategies to Be Happy Alone
How can you spend more time with yourself and be happy?
1 – Appreciate Yourself
Sometimes when we are alone we feel worthless because it seems that nobody cares enough about us to engage in a meaningful relationship.
Therefore, a good starting point is to acknowledge all our wonderful qualities, and how much we have to offer to others.
Make a list of your positive traits.
You may identify your strengths, good qualities and remember all your past successes.
Even if you would like to make some personality changes, appreciating all your positive traits will set you in the right mood for making these changes.
Here are some examples to get you started:
Creative: I can come up with new ideas and solutions easily
Honest: I value the truth and I am sincere
Independent: I can complete tasks with minimum direction and supervision
Talkative: I easily initiate dialogue
Curious: I like to explore and learn new things
Here are more character traits to consider for your list.
Once you have at least 10 positive character traits on your list, read them, and celebrate yourself.Â
Love yourself just the way you are. Moreover, imagine how you would like your perfect partner to treat you and do it yourself.
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2 – Set GoalsÂ
When we set goals we give ourselves direction and something to look forward to. Think about something you want to accomplish in a certain amount of time.
The goal has to be meaningful to you. Your goals will help you leave behind feelings of loneliness because you will be engaged in something that is meaningful to you.
If you go to work everyday, instead of mindlessly repeating the same routine, think about what you want to accomplish with your work.
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3 – Learn Something New
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Start by asking yourself, what am I curious about?
Follow your curiosity and explore areas you want to know more about.
Learning something new will increase you confidence and self-esteem.Â
Don’t expect perfection, enjoy the process and have fun.Â
A good way to learn something new is to read new books about topics that you find interesting.
Do you like fiction or non-fiction books?
You can read all of them for free.
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4 – Embrace the Time You Spend Alone
Schedule time for yourself to do what you love and to do what makes you feel good.Â
During this time focus your attention on everything that you love.
If you are not sure where to start, a self-help book may provide some additional ideas.Â
 In Turn Your Happiness On you will find the most powerful, scientifically proven strategies to increase your feelings of happiness right now.
There are many different ways to fill your life with joy. Find out the strategies that will work best for you so that you can be happy alone even if you want a relationship.Â
5 â Make Your Surroundings Beautiful
You may argue that you donât have time to clean and organize but living in a beautiful environment will make you happy.
Make changes to your surroundings that are pleasing to you. Look around you, do you like what you see?Â
How could you make this place more you?
When we are by ourselves we tend to be careless about our behavior because nobody is watching.
We may leave dirty plates in the sink, tissue paper scattered around, packets of food around the house, clothes and shoes stay wherever we take them off.
Even if this seems convenient and nobody will prompt us to clean up, itâs a good idea to spend some time cleaning up and organizing.
6 â Create Balance in Your Life
Donât just try to keep yourself busy all day long to keep your mind from feeling lonely.
Make it your intention to enjoy being by yourself.
7 â Connect with Others
Use social media if you find it supportive and encouraging. Connect with like minded people who share your same interests.
If all your friends are in a relationship and looking at their social media feeds reminds you of how much you would like to be with someone, take a break until you are able to feel happy.
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8 â Show Gratitude
Learn to be thankful for the big and small achievements in your life.
Find 10 reasons everyday to be thankful for. It could be your health, access to water, a computer, a phone, your job, friends, favorite drink or food.
9 â Be Yourself
Being true to yourself is a great source of happiness. Do not try to be someone else just to fit in. Learn to be confident in your own skin.
10 â Listen to Music
Music causes the brain to release feel good chemicals such as dopamine.
Therefore, anytime we are feeling lonely, sad, stressed, or anxious we can increase our feelings of happiness by listening to our favorite songs.
Here you will find how music can make you happy.
Bonus Tip:
11 â Practice Self-care
Happiness depends on a healthy body and mind. Therefore, exercising, sleeping well, and eating nutritious food are a good starting point.
In conclusion, we can be happy alone even if we wish we were in a relationship by following these easy steps to nurture ourselves like that special person we are looking for.Â
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Yes, when alone you can spend some quality time practicing self love and self care. Now i am happy even if m alone without feeling lonely! âş
Setting goals and journaling is a wonderful way to keep your mind off things and help you keep things on track which is a good way to improve your mood. All of the other tips are wonderful as well, thanks for writing this!
I am currently on vacation by myself. I am practicing self care. After reading this passage I will express my emotions on paper.
I love these tips! It’s important to be able to be happy when you are alone as well as when you’re in a group. It’s important to stay active and exercise and eat well whether alone or with others. I am all for setting goals and can see how this could help people who are alone to strive for something.
You said it all, I’m most of the time alone and I love it. What you’ve stated are what I practice to keep up with my happiness alone. Thanks for sharing
I remember in high school when all of my friends had boyfriends and I didnât. I had a lot of those feelings about what was wrong with me, etc. In college I found a guy who treated me like a guy should… so I married him! đ I wish I had known some of these ways to deal with the emotions back then.
This was a really good post. I have found myself in this predicament most of my life, Iâm afraid. That is one of the things that inspired me to become a foster parent. However, I still have a long way to go but I like your ideas.
Yes. I love this. I found that I was not read for a real relationship until I was truly happy alone.
So many people are going to benefit from this. Just because you want a relationship doesn’t mean you can’t be happy without one. I love this.
This is a great post and should reach out to those who are single and teach them to be happy being alone. I have a girlfriend who is single and is quite miserable, always seeking attention and claim that she is not happy and could not sleep at night and end up eating junk whole night, hence she gained lots of weight. I think she should practice self-love, have an interest in something and focus on achieving the goal.
It’s so interesting looking back at my single days now that I am a mother and in the most committed relationship that I will ever be in, aside from the relationship with myself and my children of course. I had a rough single life; I was constantly in and out of relationships and just looking for the next best thing to fill some void. If I had only known that the void was a lack of self love….my entire world may have changed. I was gifted with the revelation of self love and self care after the birth of my twins. It was as if the birth of my children reminded me of just how powerful and amazing I was; even if I could not yet tell myself this yet. They shook me out of this vicious cycle where I continuously looked outside for acceptance. I am now so at peace with myself and when that happens…you are never alone.
Great points! Everything changes once you have kids. It seems kids help us to look at life from a different point of view.
Self love is very important because it gives you the opportunity to be happy, accept yourself and love yourself. This is the best way to define self-love
We are not perfect and the safest thing is that we never are, but just as we have defects, difficulties and limitations, we also have qualities and virtues that define us and that can also be of great help in the different facets of life.
Absolutely! It’s so important to focus on loving and accepting ourselves!
I haven’t been alone in years, but funny thing is, when I finally accepted that it was ok to be alone and decided I wasn’t looking anymore, I met my husband less than a week later.
Such a good post. When people learn to accept and love themselves and be comfortable with just their own company, they often grow and develop more confidence. You have given some excellent tips.
Great topic and one I never stopped to even think about. Lots of people will love this post. Just because you are not in a current relationship doesnât mean you canât be happy without one.
I know a few people who when they undergo a break up they immediately find themselves in another relationship. These are the kind of people who, in my opinion, are afraid to date themselves. To really get to know themselves and fall in love with themselves. I think that being able to be happy alone is key to a happy and healthy life. And once one can do that then they will be open to finding other happy and healthy relationships! I love your strategies of being happy alone. Great work!
Thank you so much for these amazing tips…They make so much sense to me and yes happiness starts from within and not the other.
These are all really great tips. I think it’s important to work on yourself whenever you are unhappy, whether because you’re alone or for some other reason – when I have been unhappy at being “alone” before I got married, usually there were a lot of deeper underlying reasons such as problems/stressors at work that were the real culprit.
Great tips. So many people think they have to be in a relationship to be happy
Wouldn’t this be a great article for teenagers and young adults to read? I wish I would’ve read this about learning that being alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely.
It’s so important to love yourself too and a great time to do that is when you have the space to practice!
I bet this will definitely help people out there. Thank you for sharing this message. It was such a great post to read.
These tips are awesome. I love the self love aspect because I think we are often harder on ourselves than anyone else. I try my best to spend as much time alone getting to know me better. I also only use social media to connect with others who are doing what I do or more. But they must all be positive influences. I can relate to all of the tips shared and loved each one.
There’s nothing like self love. Being grateful in your own skin and space is nothing but a sense of independence and sometimes sanity.
Thank you for sharing on loneliness and how to be happy when you are alone as a lot of people are experiencing pain and unhappiness and they need some sort of answers
Even those looking for a relationship can definitely enjoy their time until they find the right one. Better to be without a partner than to have the wrong one. Patience is a virtue, and all that good stuff (that is really true).
“If we are happy with ourselves, we will more easily find and recognize the right person instead of stumbling in and out of unfulfilling relationships.” this is so true. Ive always found happiness in my solitude which is why I never really got into a relationship until i was in my 20s. I took my time in being a better person for myself first because as my mom always tells me: you cant pour from an empty cup. đ Your
Thanks for sharing this. Pausing to take stock and think about our motivation for doing things to be happy is so important. This was a great read, thanks
When I was forced into living alone due to a location shift in my job, I was not too excited. But slowly I started loving it and stayed happy. Now that I am back with my family, I take out time to do solo travel trips to get back into my being alone mode and enjoy the nostalgia.
If you love yourself youâll never be alone again in your life. Also, I know people who think theyâre incomplete without a romantic partner, but that doesnât have to be the case. You can be alone, but that doesnât mean you have to be lonely.
Ah, self-awareness. The highest level on Maslow’s Hierarchy. I’ve been learning alot about self-awareness as I navigate some troubled relationships of my own and I can’t stress enough the importance of knowing yourself and what you need, putting yourself first, and doing what makes you happy.
Being alone can be hard. I’ve had a few experiences where my group of friends all hang out without me being invited. Those are the times I really feel lonely.
I have a friend who was in a relationship that ended, and she wasn’t happy about being alone. I would always say, you’ve gotta love yourself before anyone else can love you. Being alone doesn’t have to be lonely, and I love your tips about that. Because being in a relationship doesn’t mean life is automatically fabulous. Sometimes it is more of a pain than being alone. I love my husband dearly, but I also value the time when he is at work and I am alone too, because that is when I get to work and take care of myself too. I feel more refreshed when he comes home, and emotionally better and ready to spend time with him. It makes me value our time together that much more.
I think practicing self-care is so important! Also, I find listening to music to be very helpful when I am alone.
This is great advice. It’s important to be able to alone and content with yourself out of a relationship so you know who you are when you get into a relationship.
People need to stop saying that bullshit cliche â you must love yourself first once you do you will be happyâ I love myself a lot actually and I suffer from depression so Iâm never happy but I pretend to be and I almost always feel lonely cause I have a hard time connected with ppl cause ppl are mean, fake, liars, trying to get something from you and just arenât good humans so even when Iâm around ppl I more than likely still feel alone: also when you imply ppl wonât find someone to love them until they love themselves you tell ppl they arenât worthy of love as they are when everyone on earth is entitled to love no matter what and loving yourself isnât gonna make you less lonely or find love but it will make you not settle for meaningless relationships and will allow you to wait for a human worth your time instead of filling a void and you canât expect others to help or save you cause you will be let down never be happy plus itâs a lot to expect from a human and just isnât very realistic. So stop listening to all these idiots on this thread saying â you must love yourself firstâ cause it wonât help being lonely and you are perfect and loveable right now even if you are struggling to be kind to yourself. Also ppl who have a history of being abused usually have a harder time respecting themselves and being kind to themselves and sometimes it takes being loved by another human to heal the wounds other humans have caused and to help them see the beauty inside themselves. So straight up stfu with that lame cliche cause not only is it not true you are saying they are only deserving of love once they accept themselves also implying that the person doesnât already love themselves. Also Iâm lonely because I do love myself I love myself enough to not hang around or have ppl in my life that arenât worth my time and energy cause being in the company of the wrong ppl is the most loneliest feeling of all
Yep – with you
I firmly believe that one has to be happy with oneself before getting into a relationship. If we are not happy in our own company, we can’t be happy with anyone.
This was a perfectly timed article and such great insight too. Thank you for sharing..this really helped me and brought me some comfort đ
This is a beautiful post about being content with yourself. I am a single woman in my 30s and I love my own company its fun and its apart of loving yourself before the love of your life comes!
Oh I love this post! Self-love is really one of the keys to be happy alone. Being an introvert, I always have the feeling to be alone or just stay at home, and it doesn’t disturb me at all. As long as I have the time for myself, for reading and writing, I’m quite contented with it. But it doesn’t also mean that I prefer to be alone all the time.
Sadly, so many don’t know how to enjoy their own company. Happiness is really an inside job. Others can add to our happiness but we must give it to ourselves first.
People are always looking for relationship but they forgot with relationship comes responsibility! Being alone is loving yourself and spending time with yourself.
Love this. If you’re not happy when you are alone, it will be harder to find someone new. No one wants to date a Debbie Downer. Take care of yourself, get that manicure, figure out what makes you happy and go for it. That special person will appear in your life when the time is right.
You definitely need to be comfortable enough with yourself to be happy in this circumstance. But it’s better to be alone and lonely, than with someone and still lonely. That’s the worst.
I like the article, but the writer assumes that people who are alone are unhappy. There are many out there that are quite happy once they realise that societal norms that are projected onto us via media could in fact not be the whole truth. Even to the extent that psychologists make post after post stating that people that live alone die earlier etc. Every post I read is about how to overcome being alone and from being alone being unhappy. If you ignore these articles, ignore these societal norms and instead ask yourself why you feel alone and unhappy, maybe you can move past the unhappiness be content being alone.
Phil, great points! I absolutely believe that you can be alone and happy. The reason I wrote this post is because I know a lot of people who believe that their source of unhappiness is being alone.
Everyone at one time or another needs love. And no one should have to be single and alone unless they really want to be. Very difficult finding love these days for many of us good single men that really should’ve been married already with our own family that we still don’t have today unfortunately. There are many of us good men out there that are still available, but no woman wants us at all since we keep meeting very unfriendly women most of the time instead of just one good one for us. Funny how meeting women in the past was real easy for the other men in those days, that just happened to be born at a much better time than we were.
Interesting points! You could try to spend some time every week doing something that you love and makes you happy. Once you are enjoying yourself, you could find out where to find women who share the same interest. That would be an initial way to connect with someone who shares your same interests.
Well i made this comment about a month ago which i will say more truth to my comment. Women today are very different from the past which is why it was so very easy finding love in those days for the men back then that were just so very lucky to be born at a much better time than many of us men today, and i did mentioned this already with my last comment. With so many women nowadays that have their very high unrealistic expectations and standards, that certainly does make it very difficult for many of us single men really trying to find love now. Most women are very high maintenance as it is, very independent, since even i will admit that they really don’t need a man anymore, very selfish, greedy, spoiled, picky, narcissists, gold diggers, since they really go after the much older men nowadays that have a very huge bank account, they really can’t commit to only one man anymore since they like to party a lot, and they’re very money hungry today more than ever as well. So these are very excellent reasons why so many of us single good men really have trouble finding love because of this unfortunately, since the women today are so much different from the past when it really was very easy finding love in the old days the way that our family members did. Now i can see why our family members were very lucky and blessed back then, since it was sure very easy for them meeting their loved ones in those days with no trouble at all either. Now many women have careers nowadays which they really never had back then, and it is these women that will only want the very best of all and will never ever settle for less. It was just very unfortunate that many of us men today just happened to be born in the wrong time, and had we been born in the old days which many of us men would’ve easily been all settled down with our own family as well. Quite a change in the women today, compared to the past when both men and women back then were struggling just to make ends meat. So the women back in those early days had no choice, and they had to accept their men for who they really were since most men and women hardly had any money at all at that time. Many of us good men today were just doomed to be single and alone, even though many of us never ever wanted to be in the first place.
Don’t give up. There are good women even in this age. Maybe you mean you would like a traditional woman with family values. Remember success comes to those who have perseverance đ
Really it is great advice about loneliness and how to be happy without a relationship. This is so interesting to know. I really love reading your stuff being posted here.
how to practice self love in loneliness ?
how to be happy , excited , satisfied in loneliness?
Iam having passion to loneliness and my life is loneliness any way from the very begining of my life from 4th grade .
It is important to love ourselves even if we are alone.
Now, this is definitely something we all need right now. Especially me.
The ones that are married with children are the luckiest people on the planet, especially if they’re very compatible, loving, caring, and very committed to one another.
Don’t give up. There are good women even in this age. Maybe you mean you would like a traditional woman with family values. Remember success comes to those who have perseverance đ