Knowing how to start a conversation can change your life because it will help you to:

• Find your soulmate

• Make new friends 

• Get more clients

• Find a different job

• Learn about new opportunities

• Connect with interesting people

Do you feel nervous about entering a room full of strangers?

Do you want to feel confident in social situations?

In the classic book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie advises to:

• Smile

• Show interest in others

• Make others feel good about themselves

• Don’t criticize

• Offer your honest appreciation

This is still true today.

However, let’s take it one step further with specific strategies on how to start a conversation based on Leil Lowndes book, How to Talk to Anyone, 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships.

10 Tips on How to Start a Conversation

1 – First Impressions Count

If you are shy and wonder how to start a conversation, the first step is being aware of your face, posture, and body language.

According to a study, we draw inferences about attractiveness, likability, and trustworthiness in 100 milliseconds just from looking at a person’s facial expression.

For the best first impression, start with good posture, keep you head high, a confident smile, and gaze into their eyes.

According to Michael Argyle’s Psychology of Interpersonal Behavior, “Maintaining eye contact inspires feelings of respect and gives the impression of being an intelligent and abstract thinker.”

Also, to keep a good posture pretend you are hanging by your teeth on a trapeze bar.

This helps you to keep your back straight and your head high.

2 – A Big Warm Smile at the Right Time

Do not smile right away.

“Look at the other person’s face for a second.

Pause.

Soak in their persona.

Then let a big, warm, responsive smile flood over your face and overflow into your eyes.

It will engulf the recipient like a warm wave.

The split-second delay convinces people your flooding smile is genuine and only for them.”

3 – Keep Eye Contact

“Pretend your eyes are glued to your conversation partner’s with sticky warm taffy.

Don’t break eye contact even after he or she has finished speaking.

When you must look away, do it ever so slowly, reluctantly, stretching the gooey taffy until the tiny string finally breaks.”

4 – Pretend the Person is an Old Friend

Your mind can play tricks on you.

For example you may think that the other person will not like you or that you will stutter when it’s your turn to talk.

A good way to stop your inner critic is to imagine that the person you are talking to is an old friend.

In addition, it is easy and comforting to talk to an old friend, which is a good emotional state to start a conversation.

5 -What to Say First

“Don’t worry about your first words because 80% of your listeners impression has nothing to do with words

Almost anything you say at first is fine.

No matter the words, an empathetic mood, a positive demeanor, and passionate delivery make you sound exciting.”   

6 – Small Talk

“Small talk is not about facts or words.

It’s about music and melody.

The first moments of a conversation are about putting people at ease.

It’s about feeling comfortable with each other.

It’s like making comforting noises together like cats purring, children humming, or groups chanting.

You must first match your listener’s mood.

How do you put people at ease?

By convincing them they are OK and that the two of you are similar.

When you do that, you break down walls of fear, suspicion, and mistrust.

Anything you say is fine as long as it is not complaining, rude, or unpleasant.”

7- Find Common Interests 

Find things that you both share to create the feeling that you have things in common that you like.

Ask questions and attentively listen to the answers.

Start with anything you may have in common.

Use open ended questions that cannot be answered with a “yes” or “no.”

8- What to Say Next

When your mind goes blank but it’s your turn to talk, repeat the last two or three words the other person just said.

Example:

Person: I went on a trip to Mexico.

You: …to Mexico?

Person: We had a wonderful time.

You: …wonderful time?

It will give you some extra time to figure out what to say or to find an excuse to leave.

9 – Wear a “Whatsit”

Wear or carry something unusual so that people can approach you and start a conversation by asking “What is that?”

Also, search for unusual items on people you want to start a conversation with.

10 – Add Details

When introducing someone, don’t just say the names, add interesting details about them so that the people can start a conversation.

Add details when responding to questions such as:  

“Where are you from?” Share interesting facts to continue the conversation.

If someone asks you, What do you do?” Don’t just say your profession, add details that will help to continue the conversation.

Instead of asking “What do you do” try “How do you spend most of your time?”

I hope you got some new ideas on how to start a conversation.

Which tip did you find most helpful?

Let me know in the comments below.