When we complain, we state over and over what we dislike and how annoyed we are about circumstances, events, people, or things.

While complaining is simple, it keeps us feeling miserable because the more we grumble, the more things we find to fuss about. Our brain keeps searching for more and more things to be bothered and unhappy about.

Some people use complaining as a form of social communication.

Expressing dissatisfaction or annoyance about a state of affairs is a signal that it’s time to make a change in our life. This is how complaining can lead to happiness.

The First Step: What do we complain the most about?

Make a list of your most frequent areas of dissatisfaction.

Once we have a clear picture of our areas of discontent, we need to decide if there is any change we can make. There are circumstances we have control over while we are not able to change some other events. Discriminating these two is essential.

Circumstances we don’t have control over:

Weather

Someone got sick

An appliance broke down

An appointment was cancelled

Not winning the lottery

Someone you dislike was elected to office

Your favorite item went up in price

The store ran out of something you wanted to buy

Your salary was lowered due to the company’s financial hardships

There was an accident and you are stuck in traffic

In the circumstances above we may choose how to react to the situation but there isn’t much we can do to change it.

I like to think that something positive will come out of all the negative circumstances that are out of my control. I may not understand how something wonderful will follow after that undesirable event but something good will come out of it.

Then there are circumstances that we complain about and we have control over:

Here are some examples:

Feeling unappreciated at work

Overwhelmed by our ever growing to do list

 Not having enough money

 Being surrounded by messy environments

 Feeling bored

 Buying unnecessary things and getting into more and more debt

 Overeating or eating unhealthy food

 Kids don’t listen

In all the cases above we have some control over the circumstances. There is something we can do about them.

The second step: What is a change we can make?

Write down 2 or 3 possible actions that could help alleviate the problem. Start with the easiest one. If the problem is solved, Awesome. If it is not, move on to the next option.

Think about one action you could take right now to remedy the situation you are complaining about.

If the house is a mess, we could focus on one small area to clean and organize every day and ask for help from other family members. If kids don’t listen, we could select one behavior, the one that bothers us the most, and figure out what we can do to change it.  It is OK to ask for help, google some ideas, or hire a professional.

Summary of how complaining can lead to happiness

  • Identify the area you complain the most about
  • List possible changes you can make
  • Take one action to change the dissatisfying circumstances
  • Focus on the solution

If our first action did not work out, try something else. It may take many trials and errors until we find out what works.

Something I love to complain about is walking my dog. I have an adorable chocolate Labrador. In my mind, I always dreamed of taking long walks and enjoying the outdoors with my four legged friend. The problem is that the 70-pound canine, pulls so hard and runs so fast that I feel like a kite stumbling after him.

I get blisters in the palms of my hand, my knees and arms are always sore from all the pulling. So, I started researching how to train a dog. I found some good ideas on YouTube. Now, I carry some treats and every time the dog pulls, I just call him and give him a treat. This works pretty well when there aren’t other people or dogs around. He gets easily distracted and is very curious. I’m still working on training my dog. Therefore, I don’t complain that much anymore about walking him even though he still pulls more than I would like.

If my training doesn’t work, I’ll have to ask for help from a dog trainer.

What do you complain the most about? What first step can you take today to solve that problem? Let me know in the comments below.

You may also want to read how to Create a More Fulfilling Life.