How can we tolerate and accept people’s differences especially during these trying times of COVID-19 and racial injustice?
Moreover, during uncertain and stressful times, it seems more difficult to get along with others who are different from ourselves.
Even though, everyone is unique and different we all share the basic needs to belong and connect with others.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, after our basic needs for food, water, and safety are met, our psychological needs are to belong and be loved.
In addition, the need for belonging includes feeling accepted and part of a group. This may be at home, school, work, or neighborhood.
Why is it that sometimes we are able to tolerate someone who is very different but we are not able to accept the person?
What is the Difference Between Tolerance and Acceptance?
Tolerance is when we agree that people from a different culture, religion, race, or sexual orientation may coexist with our own attitudes and beliefs.
We tolerate others when we say “Hi” but do not willingly interact with the person. We leave the person alone hoping that she will leave us alone also.
Acceptance is when we think it is OK for others to be the way they are.
When we accept other people, we recognize that they have their own beliefs, preferences, feelings, and values without judging or criticizing them. It is when we welcome others by interacting without trying to change them.
What Are the Benefits of Accepting People’s Differences?
Interacting with people who are different allows us to better understand our own values and beliefs.
In addition, when comparing and contrasting our life experience with the life of others, we get a better understanding of how similar our needs are.
Despite our outside circumstances, opinions, or appearance we all want to be loved and feel like we belong. After this psychological need is met, we continue climbing Maslow’s pyramid to get more of our needs met.
3 Easy Tips to Accept People’s Differences
The easiest way to accept people’s differences is by focusing on what we have in common.
Regardless of our race, sexual orientation, or culture, we want to be understood, respected, and appreciated.
1 – Don’t Take it Personally
It is easy to get upset with the words or actions of other people because we assume that their behavior is directed to us.
However, most people have a pattern of behavior such as being nice, considerate, rude, or aggressive regardless of the circumstances.
If you know some people who are disrespectful, annoying, or critical, their behavior is more an expression of themselves than of you.
In order to accept people’s differences, we need to take a step back and observe the big picture of what is happening.
I had plenty of practice with this skill when I started working as a special education teacher. My students would curse, yell, rip papers, and flip desks when I asked them to complete an assignment.
Instead of scolding them for inappropriate behavior, I would try to find out what triggered those intense feelings. It was always something that happened at home, during recess, or a thought that came into their minds.
The inappropriate behavior was not related to me or the assignment but to the student’s behavior patterns.
I have been using the same tip in my personal life. When people overreact, it is mostly because of something that happened to them before.
Try it next time you find it difficult to tolerate or accept another person’s behavior, don’t take it personally.
2 – Assume the Best Intentions
When we assume that the other person has the best intentions, we are more open to ask questions, and communicate.
In addition, the more we learn about the situation, the better we will be able to accept the other person’s differences.
For example if a coworker is late to work or to a meeting, assume that the person did everything he or she could to be there on time. Probably an unexpected event happened that prevented him or her to get to the meeting on time.
Keeping an open mind about the other person’s best intention will help to better understand and share the feeling of others.
You will find more information on How to be Happy by Practicing Empathy.
3 – Take Care of Yourself
It is easier to accept people’s differences once our basic needs are met and we are in a good mood.
If we are hungry and did not sleep well, we will feel irritable and unable to connect with others.
On the other hand, if we feel good about ourselves, we will be able to understand others from a more compassionate point of view.
When we are in a good mood we may even feel sympathy and concern for what happens to other people who are different.
You may also like to read:How to Be Happy Practicing Compassion
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I think the last one is so important. When we aren’t getting enough sleep, or hungry, we tend to be in a cranky mood. At least, I know I am. That makes everything seem to bother you more than usual.
Yes to this! It is hard not to take things personally and it’s something I’ve had to work hard on. But assuming that people usually have best intentions can really help with that.
This is such a great post! Thanks for sharing! We could all use this!
Indeed, acceptance is a psychological path which, if started from childhood, leads to acceptance of others and of oneself.
I always have a natural tendency,even when I was a kid, to be neutral. I respect everyones differences and I try to embrace them. I think that differences makes us unique. And for me that’s very fascinating.
With everything that’s going on, I’m finding it harder and harder to tolerate people’s opinions when it comes to certain things, specifically basic human decency.
This is really helpful! It is important to always assume best intentions. I have a hard time sometimes not taking it personally though,
I did a research paper on Maslows hierarchy of needs in college. This was such a good post
My entire life I have always accepted everyone for the unique individuals that they are. And I agree that it is getting harder and harder to listen to all of the different opinions out there and to not get upset and hurt by some if it. I just stay busy and keep rolling through 🙂
Such a great and interesting post. It’s important to differentiate tolerance vs. acceptance. Such a timely message especially right now with tensions running high…it’s important though to remember we are all humans and we all will make mistakes. As long as we grow from them and learn to accept that no one is perfect and we are all trying.
Indeed this is very meaningful and deep heart touching too…It is really very necessary to differentiate between both coz most of time we just forget the differentiate…well this is really very helpful and useful blog post..Thanks for sharing this..Loved the words…Great work…
I love exploring the differences with people, it keeps the world interesting.
I love this. It’s so important, and some people just do not get it!
This was such a great post! We all could use this for a reminder. Thanks for sharing!
We studied Maslow’s hierarchies in college and it would be a better world if we all complied. Humans are very complex creatures…
Very wise words! I don’t expect everyone to agree with me nor would I want them too.
Interesting read. I wish the world was more accepting of people’s differences. Sadly, the world isn’t perfect, although we must try.
This is really important! Everybody has differences but only a few can accept.
xoxo
Lovely
http://mynameislovely.com
So true! The world is full of people with different personalities, backgrounds, religious beliefs, etc. It’s so important to try and get along and respect everyone.
One of my teacher used to say “I am good. You are good”. This philosophy has helped me in accepting differences in people.
This is so true, I love this post.
I absolutely love the fact that you used maslows hierarchy. Very well written.
I must confess to taking things personally, even when I know that I shouldn’t. There is something in my make up that immediately says ‘what did you do wrong?’