Do you dread awkward silences in conversations? If you fear the moment when the other person finishes talking and looks at you, don’t worry. Here are six easy strategies that will help you to always know what to say even if you are shy.
Wouldn’t it be nice to always have something interesting to say at the tip of your tongue?
How to Always Know What to Say
If you want to keep a conversation going you have two options:
- Ask an open-ended question
- Share information related to the topic
Let’s take a closer look at these two options.
1 – Ask Open-Ended Questions
Keep a conversation going by asking, why, what, when, who, how, and where questions.
If someone shared:
“I had a good weekend because I went hiking”, you could ask:
Where did you go hiking?
Who did you go with?
What did you like the most about hiking?
How often do you go hiking?
What are your favorite places to hike?
Even if asking questions seems the easiest option to keep the conversation going, you don’t want to turn the interaction into an interview.
After asking a couple of questions you may consider sharing some information to keep the conversation going.
Let’s take a look at how to share information to always know what to say.
2 – Include Your Personal Experience
Once the other person finished talking, share a personal experience related to the topic.
If someone shares a story about hiking you could reply:
That reminds me of the last time I went hiking…
That’s just like when I…
What a coincidence, my brother’s friend went hiking last month and…
When you share your personal experience keep in mind that there are times when we speak without saying much.
For example: I had a nice weekend. I had time to relax.
If you want to engage in a meaningful conversation you need to provide specific details about your experience.
For example: During the weekend, I spent time with my family. We went to a nearby park. The kids played on the monkey bars and I was able to read a book and relax under a tree.
In addition, sharing superficial information will make it difficult for others to connect with you at a more personal level.
When you treat others as friends, they will more likely respond as friends and not as strangers.
If you think about your conversations with a friend, you probably remember feeling comfortable while discussing topics of common interests.
Also, sharing more details about yourself, let’s people relate to you and find shared interests.
People will like you more if you are relatable and have things in common with them.
3- Summarize a Story
A good way to always know what to say is to have some stories to share.
If you went hiking during the weekend, share 5 different details about the experience so that people will connect with you.
Also, do you wonder why you should share 5 details? Just four details tend to be insufficient for the other person to build a story and six details may turn into oversharing.
The specific details will bring your story to life and make it relatable.
In addition, make sure that each detail could lead to a new topic of conversation because this helps the other person ask more questions.
Sharing five details about a topic will limit the amount of information so that the other person also has an opportunity to share his or her experience or ask questions.
Example: If someone asks you about your weekend, instead of just responding with one phrase such as “It was OK” or “It was interesting.” Try:
“I went hiking with my older sister. The trails were full of branches and I almost broke my leg. I had a good time because I had not seen my sister for over a year and I got incredibly sunburned because it was overcast and I did not realize how strong the sun was.
4 – Share Your Opinion
Respond by sharing your personal opinion about the topic.
I’ve always thought that hiking was…
I hate hiking because…
This is so interesting. I don’t know how to feel about hiking. On one hand…
Sometimes we are reluctant to share our opinion because we don’t want to be judged or we want to avoid conflicts.
To prepare yourself to share your opinion here are some common topics:
- Current events
- Situations among friends
- Your preferences
- Situations you are likely to run into
Have some opinions in advance about these topics so that you can share your opinion with others.
Your opinion is based on the information you have at the time. You may change your mind if more information is shared. An opinion will not expose you to judgment unless you state it with an air of knowledge or attitude that you know better.
You only will be exposed to judgement depending on the way you react at how others accept or reject your opinion.
Your opinion is based on the information you have collected so far. It’s OK to change your mind once you receive new information.
It is also OK to disagree.
If you don’t have opinions to share with others, you may have to gather more information about topics of interest.
5 – Focus on One Emotion
When sharing information about yourself think about one emotion.
The most common emotions are happiness, interest, shock, and compassion.
Focus on the events that elicit a specific emotion. For example if you want to share how exciting your weekend was, focus on the event that made you feel happy.
If you want to share an event that was frustrating, find out what bothered you the most and share it with the other person to elicit compassion.
Make a point with your story and share your emotions.
For example if you want to elicit compassion about a negative experience you had you could start with:
“There wasn’t internet access at the grocery store. This was very frustrating because I shopped for more than one hour and I did not have enough cash to pay for everything I needed.”
6 – Change the Topic by Association
If you want to change the topic of conversation because you don’t want to talk about it, be ready with a transition such as:
That reminds me of…
That makes me think of…
This sounds like…
This way you can switch to a topic you feel more comfortable talking.
You may even prepare some topics in advance so that you feel confident in your ability to communicate.
With these 6 strategies you will always know what to say and you will feel confident when connecting with others.
This post was inspired by the book The Art of Captivating Conversation. If you liked the post you may also enjoy reading the book.
That’s such a nice way to learn how to start a conversation. Thanks for sharing with us.
It’s pretty hard to always know what to say, this is really helpful!
I love love love these tactics, wow! Very insightful. Focus on one emotion! Amazing!!!
These are some great tips.
very useful to me. I often find myself uneasy with finding what to talk about and/or maintaining the conversation
I struggle really badly with this, hopefully these tips will help me!