Wouldn’t it be nice to feel confident in your making friends skills?
There are times when we are in a social situation and overthink what to say or how to say it and we end up not saying anything.
Social skills to make new friends or making friends skills are a set of behaviors that are expected in friendly conversations when we don’t know much about the other person.
What Are You Interested in?
The first step to make new friends is to find out what your interests are.
What do you like and enjoy doing?
List 5 topics you find interesting.
Once you know what your interests are, look for groups where other people also share your same interests. This could be a class or a group.
If you are not sure what qualities to look for in a friend or where you could make new friends you may want to read: How to Make New Friends When You Are Shy.
Once you have the opportunity to interact with other people who share your same interests, let’s take a look at basic making friends skills for an adequate conversation.
Making Friends Skills: Good Conversations
If you want to make new friends, it’s important to interact with others and have good conversations.
1 – Exchange Information
A conversation has at least two people who exchange information about each other. First, one person may ask a question or make a comment and then the other person shares some information.
In addition, a conversation is like a tennis match. The ball goes back and forth between two players. However, if the ball stays for too long on one side, it’s not a conversation anymore.
The first making friends skill is to exchange information. Make sure that you share some things about yourself, ask a question, or make a comment and that the other person has an opportunity to talk.
2 – Share Interesting Information
The goal of having conversations is to exchange information and find common interests.
When you meet someone, make comments, share experiences, and or ask questions. Find out what interests you have in common with the other person. These common interests could lead to a friendship.
Once you found out at least one common interest with the other person, it’s time to think about ideas of what you could do together.
If both of you like reading you could:
- read the same book
- discuss the story
- go to the library
- visit a book store
- learn more about the author
Even general questions such as:
- What did you do during the weekend?
- What do you do after work?
Can provide useful information about a person’s interests.
The key to making new friends is to focus on common interests.
Once the other person shared some of his or her interests, it’s your turn to share some information.
Even if the other person does not ask, respond to your own question.
For example:
You: “What do you do in your free time?”
Her: “I like listening to music.”
You: “What type of music do you like?”
Her: “I like pop.”
Silence.
You: “I also like listening to music but mostly music to focus while I work. What do you do while you listen to music?”
Ask the person about her interests and hobbies with the goal of finding common interests.
Ask open ended questions.
3 – Use Active Listening Skills
There are verbal and non-verbal ways to show our conversational partner that we are listening.
For example:
Non-verbal ways to show you are listening:
- Keeping eye contact
- Smiling
- Nodding your head in agreement
- Moving your head from side to side in disbelief or disagreement
- Leaning toward the other person
Verbal ways to show you are listening
- Asking clarifying or follow-up questions
- Rephrasing what the other person said
- Sharing related information
Therefore, using active listening skills lets the other person know that you are interested and care about the information she is sharing.
4 – Make Eye Contact
Making eye contact is an important skill to make friends because it shows others that you are interested in what they are saying. It is OK to occasionally look away for a couple of seconds.
Staring in someone’s eyes can make the other person feel uncomfortable. However, not making enough eye contact makes it look like you are not interested.
5 – Keep Your Body Distance
Make sure you are not too close and not too far away from your conversation partner.
A reasonable distance is to stand about an arm’s length away from the person you’re talking to, which is about 3 feet to talk to others.
If you are too close, the other person will feel that you are invading her personal space.
On the other hand, if you are too far away it can be difficult to understand and keep the conversation going, or you’ll have to speak so loud that everyone around you will be staring.
6 – Regulate your Voice Volume
Using the right voice volume is an important social skill to make new friends.
Speaking too loudly can startle your conversation partners and make them worry about everyone else overhearing the conversation.
On the other hand, if someone speaks too quietly it can be difficult to understand the words and it takes extra effort to decode what the other person is trying to say.
Shy or timid people tend to speak quietly.
People who are hard of hearing tend to speak louder because they have a hard time hearing.
If you see that your conversation partner is leaning his head toward you and squinting his eyes, this may signal that he has a hard time understanding your words.
Instead, if your conversation partner leans away from you, it may indicate that you are too close or speaking too loudly.
7 – Share Interactions
Do you remember that a conversation should be like a tennis match?
The ball should go from one side of the court to the other. Keep this in mind when having conversations with others.
Some people are so focused on their own interests that they share them without taking into account the other person’s interests or reactions.
Someone who is interested in computer programming may share very specific information using terms the other person has never heard of. The conversation partner will feel disconnected and uninterested.
If you are so focused on your own interests, it will be difficult to find shared interests with the other person.
One way conversations, where one person only shares information can feel boring and frustrating to the other partner.
Focus on finding common interests instead of only focusing on what you are interested in.
Dominating conversations is not a good idea.
Sharing interactions is a crucial making friends skill.
8 – Avoid Asking too Many Questions
When making new friends, we want to find common interests by asking questions and sharing related information about ourselves.
Asking questions is a great starting point but if the other person does not ask questions back, you need to share your own responses.
Just asking questions, does not allow to find common interests to make new friends.
9 – Don’t Overshare in the Beginning
When you meet a new person it is best to keep conversations informal and about every day topics.
It can feel overwhelming to the other person when you share too much or too personal information when you just recently met someone.
Also, don’t ask too many personal questions because it may scare the other person off.
For example if you are going through a divorce it is OK to share your general feelings but going into personal details about the reasons of the divorce and all the difficulties involved can feel overwhelming for the other person.
10 – Ignore Other People’s Mistakes
When we meet someone, we may be nervous or anxious about the interaction so it is more likely to mispronounce words, stutter, or choose the wrong words.
It is better to ignore these mistakes instead of pointing them out or correcting them.
In addition, focus on what you like about the person instead of what you don’t like.
Nobody likes to be criticized or teased about their behavior or appearance.
Don’t criticize or point out the other person’s mistakes.
Keep in mind these 10 making friends skills next time you have an opportunity to meet new people.
Which of these social skills to make new friends do you think is the most useful?
Let me know in the comments below.
This is such a great post. It can be hard to interact with people for the first time, and some people are so introverted and shy, they really don’t know how to do it well.
These are such great tips, I an exertovert but my boyfriend is very shy around new people!
Thanks for this, it will help a lot of people.
Great tips! It truly is like a tennis ball match, and I hate it when there’s silence as we wait for the other to talk.
Great tips! I often feel shy when talk to new people, it is never comfortable for me even though I love talking to people
Amazing tips!!! I am a little shy when it comes to meeting new people so i often end up only listening. Love the tips.
I definitely have a more introverted side, so these are helpful. Thanks!
These tips are really great! Thanks for sharing!