Find out how to overcome shyness and feel confident in social situations.

People who are shy enjoy spending time by themselves or with a close group of friends.

What is Shyness?

In Self-Related Cognitions in Anxiety and Motivation, Arnold H. Buss from the University of Texas explains that shyness may be defined as inhibition, discomfort, or awkwardness in the presence of others. 

For example, when we are shy we tend to stay in a conversational group but we do not speak up. We mumble minimal replies and fail to socially interact with others.

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), shyness is the tendency to feel awkward, worried or tense during social encounters, especially with unfamiliar people.

In addition, shy people prefer to spend time alone talking to themselves or others in their head.

Shyness has also been defined as anxious self-preoccupation.

Severe shyness could lead to social anxiety, which is a psychiatric disorder. 7% of Americans have been diagnosed with this severe form of shyness.

Therefore, if you feel trapped in your own thoughts and wish you could feel at ease in social situations, here are 10 easy tips on how to overcome shyness.

How to Overcome Shyness: 10 Easy Tips 

1 – Build Your Self-Esteem

Our self-esteem impacts many aspects of our lives such as how we think about ourselves and how we interpret social situations. 

When we feel shy, we worry about making mistakes and what others may think about us.

In addition, low self-esteem and shyness could lead to anxiety, depression, and loneliness.

On the other hand, having high self-esteem means that you are able to view yourself in a positive way regardless of mistakes or shortcomings.

If you focus on building your self-esteem, you will feel more confident when interacting with others and will believe that you have useful information to share with them.

Here are more tips on How to Build Your Self-Esteem.

2 – Be Mindful

When you are in a social situation, deliberately focus on being present. This will help you to stop the thoughts in your head.

Look for positive things around you such as a nice environment or interesting people.

In addition, use your senses to stay in the present moment. Become aware of what you hear, see, smell, or taste at that moment.

When you feel your anxiety rising, take a deep breath. Inhale and exhale to the count of 3 a couple of times to feel more at ease.

If there is too much going on around you, excuse yourself and get some fresh air and breathe. 

Here are grounding techniques that will help you to stay present. 

3 – Trust Yourself

Here are some questions and thoughts that shy people ponder when they are in social situations.

• What should I say?

• I wanted to say that.

• I cannot think of anything to add to the conversation.

• How much should I tell?

• Will my comment hurt someone’s feelings? 

• is this a smart thing to say?

• Where should I start?

• When is a good time to chime in?

• Will others be interested?

• Am I interrupting?

When they finally decide to talk and are waiting for a gap to insert their comment, they realize that the topic of the conversation has already changed.

Too late.

So they decide not to share their thoughts and start the process again with the new conversation topic.

This is particularly frequent in group conversations or meetings.

Next time, instead of overthinking, trust your intuition and speak up.

Here are more tips on how to Trust Your Intuition.

4 – Focus on Your Strengths

What are you good at?

What are your interests?

Join groups about topics that you find interesting. This will make it easier to connect with others and share your opinion.

Everyone has areas of strengths and weaknesses. 

However focusing on your strengths makes you feel more confident. It is easier to talk about a topic that you are interested in.

5 – Consider Your Appearance

A little self-care goes a long way.

Remember to:

• Brush your teeth

• Get enough sleep

• Trim your nails

• Comb your hair

• Dress appropriately

Shy people tend to spend a lot of time by themselves and they may forget to take good care of themselves.

In addition, find out what will help you feel more confident to speak up and participate in group situations.

6 – Take off the Pressure

Instead of thinking that everyone focuses on you, keep in mind that most people just focus on themselves.

A good way to motivate yourself to overcome shyness is to remember the purpose of that social situation.

What are you trying to accomplish? Here are some options:

• Learn something new

• Get new clients

• Enjoy yourself

• Meet new people

• Find your soulmate

• Have a good time and relax

• Explore new opportunities

• Find a new job 

Regardless of why you are participating in this uncomfortable social situation, keeping in mind why you are doing it and what your intention is will help you to take action and participate.

7 – Assume the Best Intentions

Sometimes when we participate in social situations,  we feel self-conscious and believe that everyone is there to catch and point out our mistakes.

We imagine people judging us for every word and action. 

The worst part is that when we feel awkward, tense, and nervous we may say or do more weird things than when we feel calm and relaxed.

In our mind, we believe that others have the same behavior pattern as the people who raised us.

So if our parents were very critical, we will assume that everyone around us is also very critical.

It is easier to overcome shyness if we think that others are doing the best they can and so are we.

8 – Practice Your Skills

If you are determined to overcome your shyness, embrace every opportunity to talk to others.

Talk to your neighbors, work colleagues, and family members.

Ask a question or share some information.

Don’t judge yourself for making silly or irrelevant comments. If you are too harsh on yourself every time you talk you won’t even try.

Think of talking to others as a learning experience.

9 – Encourage Yourself 

What thoughts would make you feel at ease when you are in a social situation?

Here are some phrases to get you in a positive mindset:

• I have interesting information to share

• This will be an exciting experience

• I appreciate others and they appreciate me

• Others are curious about what I have to say

• I am important and others care about me

• I am part of the group

Also, if you are wondering how to overcome shyness, having positive thoughts about yourself and others will make you feel motivated to participate in social situations.

Here are more tips on How to Stop Negative Thoughts.

10 – Ask Questions

If you fear awkward silence or nothing coming to your mind to talk about, consider asking questions to others.

For example, there are moments when everyone goes silent and it seems there is nothing to talk about.

You may feel your stress creeping up when your mind goes blank and you only can think of, what am I supposed to say now?

Don’t worry.

Keep in mind that you always can ask questions.

In addition, make sure to ask open ended questions that could not be answered with a yes or no.

This will allow the other person to expand on his or her thoughts.

You may have some extra time to think about something you want to talk about or you may excuse yourself.

Try one of these tips today to overcome shyness. The more you practice, the more confident you will feel in your social interactions.

Which tip do you think is the most useful? Let me know in the comments below.

However, if you enjoy your time alone and are not sure if you need or want friends, here are some tips on How to Be Happy if You Have No Friends.