Wouldn’t it be nice to always have someone who provides encouragement and insightful advice in difficult circumstances? Someone who tells us just what we need to hear to feel better. Unfortunately, it’s not always easy to find that person. However, we can create a positive and encouraging voice within ourselves with positive self-talk.
What is self-talk?
We talk quietly to ourselves in our thoughts and sometimes out loud when we think that nobody is watching. Self-talk is the way our inner voice makes sense of the world around us and the way we communicate with ourselves. It’s when we are excited and think:
- That’s a great idea
- It seems so much fun
- I’ve always wanted to do it
- This is a great opportunity
- I’ll start as soon as I have time
Then, moments later we may think,
- It’s so complicated
- So much work
- I don’t even know where to start
- Someone else is probably already working on it
- There are other people who are more qualified than I am for this project
- My great ideas always fail
- I’ll better keep doing what I’ve always done
Our streams of thoughts follow patterns. This internal dialogue may change from positive to negative depending on the circumstances. The way we talk to ourselves will impact our interpretation and reaction to what happens to us.
Where does our self-talk come from?
We are born into language. People around us have expectations that may or not fit our personality. We remember comments or reactions that we experienced at a young age by significant others.
Our brain, like a sponge, absorbed words and phrases that others around us used to describe our actions and choices.
Imagine a four-year-old spilling most of the milk while trying to fill his sippy cup.
Parent A acknowledges the effort of trying to be independent and helping to clean up the mess.
Parent B snatches the bottle of milk out of the child’s hand while hollering about all the messes that the little guy keeps making. Most parents alternate between Parent A and B depending on how exhausted they are.
Our self-talk will depend on:
How did our parents react to our mistakes?
What did they say when we did not rise to their expectations?
How did our significant others solve problems?
What positive and negative experiences did we have?
The messages that we hear over and over are recorded in our mind and we keep repeating the same information to ourselves.
The way we talk to ourselves is usually the way others talked to us when we were kids. All the phrases that we repeatedly heard were recorded in our unconscious mind and come up when similar experiences happen in the present.
We have to keep in mind that most parents, relatives, and friends have the best intentions when talking to us. They want to keep us safe and make sure we don’t make mistakes. The problem is that safety and perfection will only keep us where we are right now.
If we are unhappy with our current life or want to make any changes, we will have to get out of our comfort zone, feel unsafe, and make mistakes.
Use positive self-talk
Focus on your talents, skills, and positive expectations about the future. Remember all the good choices you made in your life.
Positive self-talk helps us to focus on our strengths and pay attention to what we do well and use it to complete the task at hand.
With positive self-talk you tell yourself that you did the best you could under the given circumstances and that you will learn from this experience.
Examples of positive self-talk
Positive self-talk encourages and cheers you up.
I can do it.
I will get it right next time.
It didn’t work out, but this was an awesome learning experience I know what I need to do next time.
I feel butterflies in my tummy, I’m up to something great.
I’ve never done this before, I will do my best.
Something awesome will come out of this trying situation
I made the same mistake again, I need to take my time and first make sure that…
Examples of negative self-talk
Negative Self-Talk focuses on our weakness and puts us down.
I always mess everything up.
My anxiety is killing me.
I’ll never amount to anything.
I always make mistakes.
I’m such a failure.
I can’t do anything right.
I made the same mistake again, I’m destined to fail.
What self-talk do you use?
Do you feel happy and good about yourself most of the time? That means that your self-talk is usually positive.
Do you feel grumpy, irritable, and frustrated most of the time? That means that your self-talk is mostly negative.
Benefits of positive self-talk
How we feel and our emotions change depending on the events that happen around us. We cannot always control the circumstances in our lives but we are in charge of what we tell ourselves about these events.
Our mind is always busy telling us how to feel about our experiences.
- Increased motivation for success
- Optimism and emotional well being
- Lower stress and anxiety levels
- Improved performance and achievement
- Professional and personal success
How to overwrite negative self-talk
We have learned through repetition how to talk to ourselves and how to react to different circumstances. If we are not happy with how we talk to ourselves here are some easy strategies to change it.
Positive People
The easiest way to change your self-talk is to stick around encouraging and positive people. Look around and you will find them in neighbors, friends, social media followers, coworkers, and bosses. They will find all the reasons of why you should pursue your dreams and appreciate the wonderful possibilities in front of you.
Inspirational Quotes
Reading, copying, and keeping motivational quotes from people we admire in a visible place will encourage us when we are tired and ready to give up.
Biographies
Think about someone you admire and read or listen to the person’s biography. It’s always surprising at how difficult it was for most people to achieve their goals or life purpose.
Self Help Books
Choose a topic that you are having difficulties with. Depending on your circumstances, you will find information that you will be able to include in your positive self-talk. Most self-help books include strategies and examples of how people changed their life for the better.
Best Case Scenario
Imagine a positive outcome to your difficult situation. This will encourage you to take action.
Conclusion
Next time when you catch yourself having negative thoughts after making a mistake, unable to take action, or when things don’t go your way try to talk to a positive person, read some inspirational quotes, grab a self-help book or imagine a positive outcome.
There are different ways to get from where we are to where we want to be. It usually takes some trial and error to figure out the right path for us. With positive self-talk we can push ourselves toward happiness and success regardless of the obstacles.
Let me know in the comments if it worked for you.
positive self talk – I try to do that most days!!! It’s so helpful!
This is very enlightening indeed. I do negative self-talk a lot and that is not okay. Thank you for the great post.
You are speaking my language! I am still a work in progress but my affirmations work for me every day!!
Everyone is a work in progress and affirmations are great to get to where we want to go.
So interesting, I never really thought about my self-talk but I feel like its a bit of positive and negative! Thanks for sharing!
I usually self-talk which I find to helpful for me especially if I’m alone it helps me decide faster to do something.For me it is usually positive.
This is very insightful. I need to be sure I talk to myself in a more positive manner.
Thank you for listing examples of positive self-talk! Sometime’s it’s hard to come up with.
Love love love these tips. A reminder of negative habits we can easily break as individuals and as parents or mentors.
Thanks for sharing this. Pausing to take stock and think about our motivation for doing things is so important. This was a great read, thanks
This is something I need to remember every single day!This is a great post to ponder. I love that topic. It shows how self talk formed us in our daily living.
I definitely need to practice better self-talk! I tend to be very negative and belittle myself often.
Thank you for sharing this with us!
– Nyxie
I am an over thinker. Sometimes self talk can affect me both ways. But when I do it positively all the time , i feel more confident
Love this list. It boosts one’s self-confidence. Thanks for sharing and I need to bookmark this if I feel negative of myself.
I have never thought about self talking to myself. It sounds like a good way to start working on a more positive self.
I love this post. Self-talk is so important. There is no more powerful voice than the one inside our own head.
Great post and I love how you have shown some example of self-talk which we can start to practice on ourselves daily. I am sure it gives us positive results.
Such a great reminder. I used to have my favourite affirmations up on my mirror so I saw them first thing in the morning and last thing at night.
Thanks for sharing about this nice and useful tips to self-talk and spreading some inspiration around. It will be useful for many.
Such a great read. I agree. That’s is why parents should really talk to their kids gently as much as they could.
we should never under estimate the power of self talk. It is ver important to think it and to use it for your own good.
Self talk is really good. I mean I always say positive things to myself and also stay positive.
At times, I do find myself in doing in negative self-talks especially when I am depressed! I must try these tips on overwriting negative self talks to positive one for my own good ☺
Thanks for sharing this. Pausing to take stock and think about our motivation for doing things is so important. This was a great read, thanks
self talk is super helpful. its a great way to reconnect with yourself
Changing your attitude is a great start to making progress towards changing a behavior. I try to regularly practice being content and cheerful.
I’m a living witness that positive self talk really works. Whenever I’m in a particularly stressful situation, I will talk myself into thinking positively, I’ll tell myself that I’m fine, safe, great, successful, skilled, whatever it takes to turn a stressful situation around.
I need to practice this better. I am a little too hard on myself sometimes.