The biggest happiness myth is the false belief that once we achieve a certain goal in the future, we will be forever happy. Here are some common goals we expect will make us happy:
- getting married
- earning a degree
- moving to a new city
- having kids
- becoming successful and rich
- opening our own business
- buying new technology
- curing an illness
- etc.
After these accomplishments we will most likely feel happy but not for a long time. The good feelings may last a couple of months and then we get used to our new circumstances.
There are two problems with this happiness myth:
- expecting to be happy in the future
- attaching happiness to an outcome
Happiness Myth: In the Future
Our future happiness is an illusion that may help us to overcome undesirable or trying times. If we are going through a divorce, caring for a sick loved one, or facing unemployment, it’s relieving to think that in the future things are going to be better.
As time goes by, things change and we change. One problem may disappear or be solved and a new one comes up.
It is great to foresee some pleasant experiences in our future such as vacations, a new job, or becoming a parent but expecting that this new event will make us feel extremely joyful for ever after is unrealistic.
When I was a child, I used to attach happiness to my birthday, Christmas, Easter, or vacations. I would count the days and my expectations were so high that once the date came I was usually disappointed. Then, I had to wait for the next exciting date.
Moreover, I always have a wake-up call when people I know pass away, unexpectedly. They get sick, have an accident, or something unforeseeable happens. That’s when I remind myself to be grateful for still being alive and for all the possibilities that are available.
We assume that we will live for many more years but nobody knows for sure what will happen tomorrow. Unexpected events happen around us every day. The purpose of thinking this way is not to be scared and hide under the bed but to appreciate the present moment.
When we put all our expectations in the future we fail to be happy in the present. We forget to enjoy the journey, to acknowledge all the good that is around us right now. To enhance the feelings of happiness fully enjoy the before, during, and after experience of what you want.
Happiness Myth: Goal Achievement
We expect to be forever happy after accomplishing a specific goal. It may be to earn a certain amount of money, meet our perfect partner, earn a degree, reach a certain weight, etc.
Goal achievement will make us happy but not for a long time.
Happiness is a moving target. Once we have what we thought would make us happy, then we wish for something else. Psychology researchers call it hedonic adaptation, which means that we get used to our new more positive circumstances. After a short period of time we are again fantasizing about the new event that will bring more joy into our life.
For many years, I thought that if the happiness wore off after achieving a goal, it was because it was not the right goal. So, I would set a new goal, hoping that it was the right one, this time.
We may pursue a goal with all our energy and determination only to find out many years later that we were after the wrong goal regretting all the time and effort we waisted trying to make it happen.
- Relationships that didn’t work out.
- Promotions that never happened.
- Businesses that never took off or ended up in disappointment.
Depending on our specific circumstances we may make progress or not toward our goals. The good thing is that we don’t need to wait to achieve our goals to be happy.
It is possible to feel joyful while we pursue our goals, which is a good sign that we are on the right path.
My Biggest Happiness Myth
One of my biggest happiness myths was getting my bachelor’s degree. It seemed that everyone was successfully completing their college degree except me. All my friends were already professionals working successfully while I was still trying to decide what I was going to do with my life.
My main problem was that I was interested in so many things that my curiosity would stir me in many different directions and I was frequently changing majors and classes.
I would think about how much money graduates make, job demand, and how others perceive professionals in that specific area.
I was so focused on my future and the goal of graduating, that I did not pay enough attention to the process. It was not before I was able to concentrate on the journey that I started enjoying my classes and could see myself having a bachelor’s degree in something I was always interested and curious about: psychology.
Great, I got my degree. Now what? I needed to find an exciting job. Once I got an exciting job I was looking forward to a promotion and raise. There is always something else we strive for.
What to do about our Biggest Happiness Myth
Research studies show that lottery winners feel immense happiness about their good fortune but after one year they get used to having more money and their level of happiness goes back to where it was before winning the lottery.
Instead of chasing events that will happen in the future and we expect will make us forever happy, think about happiness as a compass that will guide us in the right direction.
There are many factors that are out of our control such as changes in the economy, climate, or laws. However, we are in charge of how much effort, time, and joy is involved in our goals.
Make sure you are enjoying the everyday experience of working on your goals by using the best case scenario strategy.
Being aware of the biggest happiness myth will help you to make difficult decisions to move toward the life you want to live.
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Very interesting take on happiness. I thought I’d be happy after getting a degree too but now I’m longing for something more and it’s not a higher degree.
Oh man, kind of true actually. But one thing I am really grateful for right now, and that is knowing more about having a saving God. Happiness is temporary but having Joy is a lasting one
Very true. I completely agree with you and I would love to that book.
To be happy, you need to be happy on your own. You can’t be happy if you rely on other people for your happiness.
Thank you for sharing this. And I totally agree. For me happiness is a state of mind. Yes getting a degree or becoming financially rich is great hey I want to get rich ! But if your note passionate about what your doing then your never going to be truly happy.
You worded this so well. I’ve seen so many people attach happiness to something not realizing that, that isn’t the way actual lasting happiness work.
Very true. Happiness is not a goal, it’s rather how you make the journey towards a goal that makes you happy.
So true, our needs keep on changing. Once we accomplish something we Chase after another thing soon and get caught up in a cycle. The thing is to start living, finding happiness in the process and little things.
I agree with you! Happiness is not part of the goal. Happiness is contentment and self-love.
I actually think a huge happiness myth is seeing that others have done something you want and they look happy, so you think if you do it you’ll be happy too. But you never know what’s going on behind closed doors so you never know how happy they really are.
That’s so true! We assume that others are happier than we are. We are so busy thinking about other peoples’ happiness that we forget about our own.
Very insightful post about happiness. I agree completely – you really have to look inward far beyond what you “think” will bring you happiness, to actually find it within contentment.
This is a good article, very informative and will somewhat motivate and inspire you, thank you.
Thanks for sharing this. Pausing to take stock and think about our motivation for doing things is so important. This was a great read, thanks
I think I wallowed in the happiness myth until I reached my thirties. I realized that my happiness does not depend on reaching some attainable / unattainable goal and that I have to live in the moment and appreciate my bounties every day.
Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness
Thanks for spreading the positivity around. Having a close confidant during tough times helps a lot.
That list you shared about things that are supposed to make you happy is everything. I am so glad I finally got out of that mindset. Thanks for sharing.
Such an inspiring post. Mine is that being married makes you fulfilled. It is such a lie as I grew up in that culture that thinks marriage is the ultimate goal and that is completely false.
These are very good inspirational ideas.
I’m guilty of thinking the future will bring relief. I guess because my issues are usually monetary.
That sounds like a good idea as long as you have a plan to make more money in the future.
very good inspirational ideas