This How of Happiness Summary includes the most important ideas and quotes from Sonja Lyubomirsky’s book.

Part One: How to Attain Real and Lasting Happiness 

If we want to be happy we need to focus on our daily activities and not so much on our circumstances.

Let’s take a look at what happy people do:

Happy people:

• are comfortable expressing gratitude for all they have 

• have the initiative to help others  

• practice optimism when imagining their futures 

• savor life’s pleasures and try to live in the present moment 

• exercise regularly

• have a commitment to their long term goals

• have strategies to cope with stress, crises, and tragedies

• show more flexibility and ingenuity in their thinking

• are more productive in their jobs

• earn more money and are better leaders and negotiators

•  have stronger immune systems

• are more resilient in the face of hardship

• are healthier

• even live longer

What is Happiness?

In the How of Happiness, Sonja Lyubomirsky uses the term “happiness to refer to the experience of joy, contentment, or positive well-being, combined with a sense that one’s life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile.”

Happiness Myths

Happiness Myth 1: We need to find happiness

We will not find lasting happiness by changing our outside circumstances. Instead, we need to use happiness strategies that will help us to change how we perceive ourselves and the world.

Happiness Myth 2: Happiness lies in changing our circumstances (I would be happy when… or I will be happy when…)

More positive circumstances may change our feelings for some time but we will soon get used to them and slide back to our old ways of perceiving and interpreting life.

Happiness Myth 3: Happiness is something that you have or you don’t

We can change our feelings of happiness by using activities and strategies that will help us to look at things from a more positive point of view.

Could Wealth, Beauty, or More Positive Circumstances Make us Happier?

Very wealthy people have a more affluent lifestyle than the average person, but research shows that they are not much happier.

In addition, happy people perceive and interpret everything about their lives, including their appearances, in more positive and optimistic ways.

Human beings are remarkably adept at becoming rapidly accustomed to sensory or physiologic changes.

Wealth, beauty, or more positive circumstances will make you happier for a short time, and then you will go back to your previous happiness level.

Getting married, earning more money, or looking beautiful will make you happier until you get used to your new circumstances.

We Control 40% of Our Happiness

Happy people actively engage in activities that make them happy such as working on their goals and controlling their feelings and thoughts.

If you want to feel happier, full of enthusiasm, peace, and joy you can start by learning the habits of happy people.

In the How of Happiness, Lyubomirsky affirms that:

“There is no happiness without action.”

We are in charge of 40 percent of our happiness. Therefore, we need to focus on strategies and activities that will increase our positive feelings and well-being. 

There isn’t one effective strategy that will make us forever happy such as making more money, finding a better job, engaging in a perfect relationship, or having a perfect body.

Part 2: Happiness Activities 

Research suggests that we can increase our happiness through simple positive experiences.

Here is the How of Happiness Summary of the 12 activities that could potentially increase our feelings of happiness.

Happiness Activity No. 1: Gratitude and Positive Thinking

There are many ways to practice gratitude and positive thinking. For example you may: 

• notice positive aspects of your circumstances (and how much worse they could be)

• call an old friend, teacher, or mentor and thank him/her for guiding you through difficult circumstances 

• enjoy moments with your partner, child, or family members

• count all the good things that you have in your life

In addition, practicing gratitude helps you to focus on the positive aspects of the present moment.

Appreciating our accomplishments and everything that is working in our life boosts our self-esteem and confidence.

Moreover, being grateful is a habit that we can learn. You may start by writing down:

• something you’re good at

• what you like about where you live

• goals you have achieved

• advantages and opportunities

You may also want to read: How to be Happy by Practicing Gratitude for more ideas of how to include more gratitude in your life. 

Happiness Activity No. 2 : Cultivating Optimism

Studies show that people who are optimistic are less likely to show depression or anxiety.

Moreover, optimism encourages positive emotions, vitality, and confidence.

Imagining and anticipating positive outcomes will make you feel more energetic, motivated, and enthusiastic about your future and life.

Optimism is a choice of how to perceive the world and circumstances around us without denying negative information.

Happiness Activity No. 3: Avoiding Overthinking and Social Comparison

Overthinking can drain our mental resources because our mind is constantly engaging in worry or negative thoughts creating stress and anxiety.

When we overthink we are unable to take action and move forward with our life.

Do you remember the last time when you had a heated argument and tried to concentrate after that?

Your mind probably kept going back to the stressful situation remembering what the other person said or what you should have responded.

However, as the situation already passed, there is nothing we can do to fix it.

If you need help with avoiding overthinking you may want to read: How to Stop Overthinking and Start Taking Action in 5 Steps.

On the other hand, if you are experiencing a negative situation, instead of overthinking, consider thinking about it as a learning experience.

You may focus on the learning experience that you gained and move on with your life.

Comparing ourselves with others can have a negative effect on our happiness.

When we compare ourselves with others who are in a situation that we envy, such as someone how makes more money, is more successful, or is more beautiful, it will make us feel inferior and our confidence and self esteem will decrease.

On the other hand when we compare ourselves with others who are less fortunate than we are such as when someone got sick, lost his job, or was rejected, we may experience feelings of guilt or resentment.

Moreover, be aware that social comparisons can create negative feelings as you can’t feel happy and jealous at the same time.

Happiness Activity No. 4: Practicing Acts of Kindness

One of the benefits of being kind is that it changes our self-perception.

Practicing acts of kindness will boost your confidence in your abilities, resources, and expertise.

It may also have positive social consequences as others will offer gratitude and appreciation.

Happiness Activity No. 5: Nurturing Social Relationships

Happy people nurture their relationships with friends, family, and significant other.

How to Nurture Social Relationships:

• Make time to spend with others

• Talk frequently

• Focus on the positive statements or behavior of the other person

• Celebrate the other person’s successes

Happiness Activity No. 6: Developing Strategies for Coping

We all experience problems or difficult situations from time to time. Having strategies to cope with these stressful experiences will help to keep positive feelings.

One useful coping strategy is focusing on the problem and possible solutions.

Once given a problem you come up with different possible solutions.

After considering the pros and cons of the different alternatives, you choose one and take action to solve the problem.

Happiness Activity No. 7: Learning to Forgive

Think about a time when you harmed or were hateful toward someone and that person forgave you.

Appreciate being forgiven.

You may also write a letter apologizing for a past or present wrongdoing. Seeking forgiveness for ourselves helps to understand that others may feel resentment for some of our actions.

Moreover, understanding that we hurt others with our words or actions provides insight into people who harmed us.

Once you understand the importance of being forgiven by others you are ready to forgive people who have hurt you.

Furthermore, forgiving others will relieve your feelings of resentment and anger. 

An effective strategy is to write a letter of forgiveness. You will describe in detail how the person made you feel and all the negative consequences that the other person’s action had in your life.

Then, you put yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to understand and forgive his or her actions. 

Writing down your negative thoughts and feelings will provide relief. There is no need to send the letter. 

Make a list of people who harmed you even if they are not alive anymore and consider writing a letter of forgiveness to each of them.

Happiness Activity No. 8: Increasing Flow Experiences

Are there any activities in your life that make you forget about time and that absorb all your attention? These are called flow activities.

Including flow experiences in your daily routine will increase your feelings of happiness.

Any activity can turn into a flow experience such as:

• reading

• writing

• playing with your child

• cooking

• cleaning

• playing computer games

• working on a project

• volunteering

• exercising

• knitting

However, be aware that these activities can become addictive. Make sure that you don’t consistently ignore the needs of people close to you.

If you want to discover new flow activities consider:

• learning something you are curious about

• engaging in new interests

Happiness Activity No. 9: Savoring Life’s Joys

Enjoy and relish in everyday experiences.

Look for opportunities to savor and appreciate your daily routine, food, exercise, and time with family and friends.

Moreover, use your senses to appreciate:

• a toasted crunchy bread

• juicy apples

• the crisp morning air

• a warm and cozy bed

• colorful flowers

• birds chirping

Share your thoughts with others who value similar experiences.

Focusing on an enjoyable present moment will boost your happiness by creating positive emotions and feelings.

Happiness Activity No. 10: Committing to Your Goals

Goals provide direction to our life.

Moreover when we work on achieving our goals we feel a sense of purpose. meaning, and control.

Making progress toward our goals boosts our self-esteem and confidence.

In addition, working on our goals involves interacting with other people such as clients, friends, partners, and colleagues, which provides additional social connections that can boost our happiness.

Here are more tips on How Working on Your Goals Makes You Happy.

Happiness Activity No. 11: Practicing Religion and Spirituality

According to research studies, people involved in religion and spirituality are healthier and live longer even if they are sick.

You can include more spirituality into your life through meditation or experiencing the divine in your everyday experience.

For example you may spend more time in nature and practice feelings of awe by developing a deeper connection with a power greater than yourself.

Happiness Activity No. 12: Taking Care of Your Body

Physical activity has short term and long term benefits.

While exercising you may feel energized and experience an overall feeling of well-being. The long term benefits are endurance and flexibility that come with repeated practice.

Our body and face expression will intensify our feelings.

Adopting  a confident posture and smiling will send signals to our body to feel happier.

Therefore, acting as a happy person will help you foster feelings of joy and positivity.

Part 3: Secrets to Abiding Happiness

There are many different strategies for lasting happiness.

Explore the different happiness activities to decide which one works best for you. If you get bored of one, try a different one.

If you want to experience more happiness in your life remember to dedicate effort and commitment to increase positive emotions.

The same way you need to learn and practice a new skill such as knitting, singing, or playing an instrument. It takes effort and dedication to boost our happiness.

If you want more information about the research involved and examples of how to use these strategies you may want to read the book.